A couple weeks ago, I went to Grizzly Peak with Little J, Ro-Ro, and Chip. Ro-Ro and Chip are a Serious Couple, and they were holding hands on our walk over. Little J and I decided to mock them and join in the handholding festivities, but we both reached for bottom. Epic handholding fail. Ruined the moment. It's come up a couple times since then, and so now I pose the Very Important Question: When you hold hands, do you go for top or bottom?
My Very Extensive Research has led me to a few conclusions. First, there is a wikiHow called "How to Hold Hands", since apparently it's possible to not know how (I am baffled by this). Secondly, music lyrics often address handholding, but never the top-bottom conundrum. Owl City clues us in with "the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly," and the Beatles want to hold your hand, but that's not so helpful in the top-bottom debate. Actual field surveys conclude:
- All of the guys like their hand on top-- except one, whose g-slash is training him to like the top
- Every girl likes their hand on bottom,
- Except for those short girls who date Talls, and grab an udder (just a couple fingers) instead
But why this phenomenon? The most common hypothesis is that the guy initiates handhold and grabs from the top. But I'm a bottom-loving girl and I initiate handholding all the time (I mean... I would if anyone actually wanted to hold my hand). Some internet sources suggest it's because the guy is taller, and guy-on-top helps with the height difference. This might be substantiated by bottom-loving mothers and nannies who grab from the top when holding the hand of a child, who is presumably shorter than the mommy/nanny. That said, if all children grow up accustomed to being on the bottom, why do only guys develop a preference for the top? I have childhood memories of fighting over how to hold hands with my sister--but never my brother, because we both wanted bottom. Conclusions? I'm stumped. Anyone with theories please share.
In the meantime, any guy that wants to hold my hand should always take top. Unless you're a Tall (which we all know I love) -- I'll just take two of your fingers.
L
PS: For those of you with hands to hold, beat the summer heat--and sweaty palms-- with the pinky-grab technique:
What constitutes "a Tall"? Is this a well defined category?
ReplyDeleteAs a guy, I walk around with my hands angled half-way to top anyhow, and furthermore it feels really awkward to walk with my palms facing forward. Ask a guy to walk toward you with his palms out and he will look ridiculous, I promise.
first, this is pretty spectacular writing, and could even be called captivating, despite the triviality of the topic.
ReplyDeletesecond, i remember fighting about how to hold hands with you and baba (there, i gave her a nickname, though not all that difficult).
third, i'm going to read your blog all the time.
love,
your favorite oldest sister (ha, got you there, i'm the only one)
im going to read your blog all the time!! blah blah blah. hey how about you stop talking about other stuff and tell us your answer on the holding hands thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bottom, at least with boys. I actually can't recall whether I topped or bottomed the handhold with a female friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure that, for me, it's about height. Being shorter, my hand is further down than his, so I have to bend my elbow to reach his hand. The elbow bend has to go in the forward direction, so unless my upper arm is angled backwards (like it would if I were leading someone by the hand), or my taller handholding partner wishes to loop his arm through my armpit, my hand goes on bottom.
It occurs to me that I'm sometimes a top while sitting. I guess my forearm is shorter too.
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ReplyDelete