why laughing makes you pee your pants

September 11 is a day that no one will ever forget.  And on Sunday, its 10th anniversary, I added a few new reasons I'll never forget the date.  First, I got a boyfriend.  Second?  I peed my pants in public.  (Obviously, after the boyfriend part.  Too late to turn back by the time I was peeing myself, I guess).  It goes like this:

I'm standing there at Cedar Point watching SPF Ghost try to climb the impossible monkey ladders and win me a giant hot pink stuffed monkey.  I'm tired and dehydrated from a long day and late night of drinking tailgating cheering on the Michigan Wolverines against the sucky Fighting Irish the previous day.  And I'm giddy.  I'm giggling hysterically as Ghost falls off the ladder over and over and over again.  He can't even get onto the ladder completely, so he hasn't even technically had one "turn."  And I bought him three turns.  Best 5 dollars I've ever spent.  People are staring and pointing at the guy who sucks at the monkey ladder.  And I'm laughing hard.  So hard, in fact, that I lose it.  My whole body starts to go limp, and I feel a warmth between my legs-- and not in a good way.  I collapse onto the bench, and clench with all my might, hyperventilating with effort.  I need a bathroom NOW.  Ghost doesn't even notice what's happening.  He just tries to make me climb the ladder to prove hard the game is, and I refuse.  I demand my jacket from him to tie around my waist, and it dawns on him that there's been an accident.  He's literally doubled over laughing at me, which re-starts my laughter.  The problem that was barely contained has now become a huge problem.  Somehow, I manage to regain composure and make it to a bathroom to clean myself up (no thanks to the weird Dyson hand dryer), and went on to happily ride 12 more rides that afternoon.

It was not the sexiest moment of my life by any means.  The worst part?  It's not the first time I've laughed so hard I wet myself.  I have a distinct memory of peeing all over the ugly linoleum floor in the kitchen in our house in Beavercreek, Ohio when I was 5 years old and laughed too hard.  (I also remember my mom yelling at me and getting spanked for it).  And I remember dozens more times after that.  More recently, it's been the last 4 Christmases, when Kiwi and I get a little too hyper playing Phantom of the Opera piano duets.  But never in public-- I've hit a new low.

Since the most recent incident, I've done some Very Extensive Internet Research to assuage my feelings of shame.  Laughing until you pee isn't uncommon at all.  In fact, scientists in the Netherlands found that just under a fifth of the population experiences muscle weakness during laughing and other emotions.  When "funny" jokes* made people laugh, muscle response was reduced by up to 88.9%.  (This accounts for all those years during swim practice when I'd be laughing and my whole body turned into a limp noodle).  And when your muscles-- including your urethral sphincters-- go weak?  Extra pressure on the bladder from laughing plus weakened sphincters equals accidents at Cedar Point, folks. 

Short of never laughing again for fear it'll get out of control, there's really only one solution:  exercising PC muscles.  Let's just say that ever since I read a Cosmo article 18 months ago, I've been doing Kegels at my desk every time I send an email (Now you can think about that every time I email you).  So they haven't seemed to help.  I guess I'm destined to a life of occasional accidents... but I figure as long as I don't have an accident a la Charlotte York, I haven't hit rock bottom yet!

L

* "Funny" jokes such as:
         Q: Why do Belgians use such long moving trucks? 
         A:  To take along their garden hoses.
Don't ask me. Weirdo Dutch humor, I guess.