an open [breakup] letter to pinterest

Dear Pinterest,

Are you from Jamaica?  Because Jamaican me crazy!  But really --all puns aside, you're driving me crazy.

I suppose I should love you.  After all, I'm a 20-something web savvy, social networking girl who unabashedly went to college hoping for an MRS degree (obviously that didn't pan out), and loves painting her nails and eating cupcakes.  Plus, most of my friends love you.  They're inspired, invigorated, and motivated by you.  But me?  You just make crazy.  Let me explain.

Despite what some mean ex-boyfriends would say about me, I like to think of myself as a nice, normal, 23-year old girl.  I feed myself at restaurants and vending machines, and I haven't set foot in a grocery store in almost two months.  I don't have a boyfriend and I'm okay with that-- I have a ton of fun with my friends, and I sometimes wonder if I even have the time to invest in a relationship right now.  I have a closet filled with a fantastic mix of clothes from J. Crew, Banana Republic, Target and JCPenney.  I rent a room in a condo from my best girlfriend.  I like my life.  It's messy and imperfect, but it's mine, and I'm content.  Until I visit you, that is.

I try to avoid you, I really do.  But you pop up everywhere --blogs, twitter, my facebook newsfeed-- beckoning me with your trendy, perfectly painted fingernail.  And I always give in.  "Just 15 minutes before I start this project," I tell myself.  And after just 15 minutes with you?  I can't stop.  I can feel the crazy coming on, but I keep going.  Next thing I know, I have my 17th wedding planned out, 300 low-fat meals, 77 art projects, 43 fabulous outfits, and 96 ab-toning workout plans pinned.  In the course of minutes, you have turned me into some crazed, wedding-obsessed, crafty, over-ambitious Stepford Wife.


Why do you show me these things?  I don't have a boyfriend, I can't afford those adorable outfits, and my idea of creative cooking is ordering something from the kitchen that's not on the menu.  And let's be honest-- I am not Martha Stewart, and I will never make those cute, eco-friendly lightbulb flower holders.  Maybe someday I'll get to that point in my life.  Someday, I'll love cooking and have a fiancé and it will be appropriate to plan a wedding.  Maybe I'll even have tens of thousands of dollars to spend renovating my dream bathroom.  But right now?  Not so much.  You're thrusting me into this fantasy future and stealing hours and hours from my actual life, which I should be living.

So, I'm sorry, Pinterest.  But I think we've run our course.  Our time together has been special, but my heart just isn't in it anymore.   It's not you, it's me.  I want us to be friends, but I don't think that's possible right now.  Maybe I'll see you in 5 or 10 years, when I'm ready to organize my closet.

Love,
Lindsey

summer crushes and vacation boyfriends

As we all know, I spend a lot of time surfing the internet at work, obsessing over celebrity gossip and reading random blogs.  My most recent obsession is Thought Catalog.  It's full of awesome lists and essays that make me feel jealous in a "why didn't I think of this first?!" way, and usually good for some giggles.   So I was reading one such list, 19 Things You Should Do Before the Summer is Over -- most of which I have done, yay! -- when I stumbled upon this gem:

"14. Tell your crush that you like them because they’re more likely to like you back in the summer than in the fall. There’s like scientific proof."

There isn't actually scientific proof that someone will be more likely to like you in the summer (I checked), but my personal experience leads me to believe this is true.  First, because I like people more during the summer than the fall, and second, because people like me more during the summer than the fall.

Just think about it.  Summer is that magical time of year when everyone is better looking with their bronzed skin and subtle, natural highlighted hair.  All that sunshine banishes the Seasonal Affective Disorder so everyone's in a better mood all the time, and there's just so much to do:  fireworks, sailing, carnivals, evening strolls with ice cream, picnics, patio drinking, music festivals, weddings, you name it.  All of which are conveniently So Much More Fun when you have a special someone to enjoy them with.  As someone who has spent the past couple of 4th of Julys solo, I can vouch for the fact that fireworks are exponentially better when you get to snuggle on a blanket with a cute guy while you watch them.  My long, drawn-out point here?  It's natural to be more attracted to a summer crush during summer.  We're practically programmed to mate during the summer months.

Similar to the summer crush, there's the Vacation Boyfriend.  You're on vacation feeling hot from all the crash dieting, carefree because you don't have to clock in at 8am, and tan.  There's a cute guy who wants to hang out.  Another no-brainer-- sunsets, king sized beds in hotel rooms, and naps in hammocks are all meant to be shared with a cutie.  Maybe you spend the rest of the vacation flirting up a storm, smooching, going on mini-dates, and generally exploring the exotic locale.  All of this exciting romance my cause you to experience the phenomenon of Narnia Time -- you're all smitten and you feel like you've known the person for years, but in the real world it's only been a long weekend.

Despite my love for Thought Catalog and each of its authors (I know one from college!), I disagree with the 14th thing you should do before summer's over.  Summer crushes and Vacation Boyfriends are fleeting and a little shallow-- just look at Grease.  It's easy to get swept away with all of the superficial romance and overlook flaws, whether its pot smoking, deep-seated commitment issues, or the fact that they live hours away and work the night shift to boot.  I say wait until fall to tell your crush you like them. That way, you can be sure that you actually like your crush, versus succumbing to the environmental mating effects of summer.  And if they say they like you back, they're more likely to mean it, too.  Same goes for Vacation Boyfriends-- don't date them unless you still like them in the unglamorous light of the real world.

As for how to tell your crush?  Definitely don't ask me-- I prefer to drive away my love interests with my insecurities and various neurotic tendencies before it gets to that point.  But I'll save all that for another post ;)

L

writer's block and other ramblings

Darn.  The blog had it's first birthday, and I was all amped up and excited about writing and .... nothing.  I have a bunch of post-it notes covered with ideas and little sketches, and then I sit at the computer.  My mind goes completely blank.  The fingers freeze, poised above the keyboard.  I keep telling myself I'll write tomorrow, or next week.  And now five weeks have passed with nothing to show.  I even had a heckler write a comment about my lack of blogging.  Yikes.  So, as with any other problem, I turned to Google for a little research.

What I found: There is a lot of boring research regarding writer's block. There are a lot of lame-o websites with lame-o writing prompts to help "cure" your writer's block.  Even lamer?  My attempts at said writing prompts.   There are also a lot of how-to's.  Implement a writing schedule, make deadlines and keep them, work on more than one project at a time, don't be too hard on yourself, etc.  The two most recurring themes?  Try writing exercises, and examine your anxieties (the most common "cause" of writer's block). I'm not great at freestyle writing, but here goes a try at a Lindsey-like writing exercise-- a list.  My anxieties, on a scale of 1-10:

1. My cursive F is still not quite perfect, despite the many trees I have killed practicing my penmanship. 
2. Brad and Jennifer are still broken up.
3. Where did my favorite pair of underwear disappear to?  Hopefully not stolen by the neighbor in unit 10.
4. My bad taste in music.  Will I ever progress past Justin Bieber, Carly Rae, and Katy Perry? 
5. The color I will paint my bedroom for next year.  And whether I should get a new duvet cover.
6. The guy I like not liking me back.
7. Do I really want kids someday?  Recent events have me terrified of bringing kids into the world to raise and educate and release into a scary, jaded world.
8. My weight, and the struggle to balance my fat-phobia with my love for butter and burritos.
9. Overreacting and letting other people affect my mood so easily.  I can't be responsible for what others do, but I need to be responsible for how I react.  
10. Feeling like Britney Spears circa Crossroads.  What am I doing with my life?

Whew.  Words on a page, it's a baby step!  Hopefully getting all that out there will return my mojo to me, and I can go back to my sketchbook full of ideas and shower you with amazing, witty prose.  But first, I'm off to celebrate America's birthday!!

L