things to do if you aren't having sex in a2

Once upon a time when I was a Goody Two Shoes in high school, I was a PSI Leader.  What, exactly, is a PSI leader?  Basically, I got to skip class, ride a bus across town, eat candy, and tell middle schoolers not to Do It.  Plus, we had Jimmy Johns parties with the other PSI Leaders once a semester.   Postponing Sexual Involvement* was a program run by the local hospital to encourage middle schoolers in the district to wait to have sex --because in Elkhart County, we keep it classy with the sixth highest rate of teen pregnancies in the state.  We showed lame-o movies and did awkward activities and skits with the kids, like rating what is appropriate for boyfriend and girlfriend to do on a scale of "meaningful eye contact" to sex.

Another activity was to list date ideas that don't involve sex (Mall, movies, go to the park, get coffee).  I was reminded of this when I read a pee-your-pants-its-so-funny article my friend Ro Ro sent me, "18 Things You Can Do Instead of Having Sex (If You're In A Dry Spell Like Me)."  Inspired by this HIGHlarity (love you, Perez), I created my own list of things to do when you're bored because you're not getting any-- but with an Ann Arbor twist:

1. Celebrity stalk.  They're filming AWOL in town right now, which means Aimee Teegarden and Mr. Miley Cyrus Liam Hemsworth are in town somewhere.  Go get some pictures with celebs!
2. Take advantage of the movies filming and sign up to be an extra.  My friend uses realstyleonline and it's legit-- I've seen him on television, and he's getting calls all the time for movies in the area.
3. Youtube how to open a lock, and practice...because surely the reason you're not getting any is that you lost the key to your chastity belt.  (Dare to reader:  Google Image "Chastity Belt."  Horrifying.)
4. Play pranks for fun.  My favorite? Sneaking up on high schoolers smoking pot in the Arb and pretending to be an undercover cop.  Gluing coins to the sidewalk works in a pinch, too.
5. Order some Rosetta Stone and learn a foreign language, and then take a trip to that country -- maybe you'll get lucky there.  I mean, it worked in Love Actually, right?
6. Hide from the humidity and enjoy the last night of Shark Week!
7. Steal flowers from front yards/the Diag and practice making floral arrangements.
8. Mt. Nacheesmo Challenge.  Doesn't matter if all 5 pounds of those nachos goes straight to your butt, if no one's gonna see you in your skivvies later.
9. Start the Ashley's beer tour.  Maybe the combination of beer goggles and lowered inhibitions will increase the chances of getting some action.
10. Get a new haircut and highlights.
11. Start a blog.

 I'll get back to you when I find Liam Hemsworth.... Australian accents are cute!

L


*They had a similar program in one of our neighboring school districts, but they called it Postponing Sexual Intercourse... Eww. A little too graphic for my taste, when you're looking down at the greasy little kiddos and saying "intercourse."