the web of destruction

Last week, when some guy asked what my hobbies are, I playfully answered "Indoor soccer, yoga, marathon training, and... serial dating."  He must have thought I was joking, because he promptly asked me out.  While I meant for it to be a little joke-y, the truth is that I love dating.  The little boost of self-esteem you feel when a guy asks you out.  Agonizing over the perfect outfit for the occasion.  Having a great conversation with a new, interesting person -- whether it's over a fantastic meal at a restaurant, smoothies in the park, a couple glasses of wine, or at an outdoor music festival.  Using my creepy, hyper-active imagination to envision each different version of my future with each guy.  The rush of the "Will he try to kiss me?" moment.  I just feel sparkly when I'm dating.

Confession: I'm a little addicted to this particular kind of sparkle, and I tend to overdo it.  I once went on 8 different dates with 8 different men (boys?) in one week.  Some might say this makes me "flighty."  Or a "maneater."  But I beg to differ -- I fall in love, and I fall hard.  I have had long-term, serious boyfriends.  I prefer to think of my serial dating as evidence that I'm a romantic, and I'm putting myself out there in hopes of meeting The One in Ann Arbor (or wherever I may be).  But serial dating leads to a whole new problem:  the non-boyfriend break-up.  There's been a few dates, maybe a little kissing.  But only one party (him) sees a future.  Cue the "break-up."  I've narrowed it down to two methods: The Fade-Out, and The Direct:

The Fade-Out: When you just...stop...calling (or texting) and basically disappear off the face of the earth.  The nice thing about the Fade-Out is that you never have to awkwardly tell someone that after a handful of dates you are quite certain you never want to see them again.  They just sort it out on their own.  However, this is very immature, cowardly, and rude.  It also makes you feel very embarrassed if you should ever run into them again. 

The Direct:  Sitting down with someone and basically saying, "Thanks, but no thanks."  This is what adults do, ending things decisively and maturely.  But people don't like being rejected.  It is uncomfortable, and awkward, and makes you feel like a mean, bad person.

I have tried both of these methods with mixed results.  I really struggle with The Direct method, as I am generally not very good at being direct, especially when it means hurting someone's feelings.  My indirectness is usually compounded by the fact that I probably like the guy, just not enough.  Because I know how badly The Fade-Out sucks from first-hand experience (I'm lookin' at you, JFK), I try to use The Direct method as often as possible.  But since I can be slightly indirect with my approach, the result is something my friends fondly call "The Web of Destruction."  This basically means that there are a number of men out there at any given time who are caught up in my devious, wily ways, still hanging on "the hook," waiting to have their hearts and souls crushed.   You may be wondering how I sleep at night.  I figure all's fair in love and war, and hey--at least I haven't broken up with someone on a post-it.

L